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Wtorek, 07 Października, 2008, 23:02

87. Wyznanie Syriusza

Siedzieli�my z Syriuszem w na kanapie pustego pokoju wsp�lnego Gryfindoru. Ju� zd��y�am mu opowiedzie�, o wszystkich swoich podejrzeniach, o tym co mi si� nie podoba i prosz� bardzo jaka by�a jego reakcja:
-Rory, Skarbie, dlaczego ty wszystko odbierasz tak osobi�cie?- nie powiedzia� �e mnie nie zdradza tylko dlaczego bior� wszystko do siebie.
-A jak mam to odbiera� skoro �apiesz przy mnie ci�gle zawiech�?
-Mam problemy, po prostu...- przytuli� mnie, mia�a wra�enie, �e w ten spos�b chcia� sko�czy� t� rozmow�, ale ze mn� tak �atwo mu nie p�jdzie, nie tym razem.
-A kto ich nie ma? to ty ca�y czas twierdzisz, ze ich nie masz. Syriusz, mi mo�esz o wszystkim powiedzie�, wiesz o tym. Kocham ci� i jestem tu po to �eby ci� wspiera�, kiedy ty masz problemy, tak samo jak ja zawsze mam wsparcie u ciebie.
-wiem.- pokiwa� lekko g�ow�. No tak teraz mi b�dzie przytakiwa�…
-No to pozwolisz sobie pomoc?- m�j g�os brzmia� na zmartwiony, no ba ja si� nadal martwi�am.
-Nie dasz rady.- Powiedzia�, wypuszczaj�c mnie z obj�� i wlepiaj�c wzrok w pod�og�. Czy tylko ja tutaj jestem optymistk�?
-Ale pozw�l mi spr�bowa�. Ju� zak�adasz, �e nic ci nie pomog�. B�d� wiedzia�a co ci� tak m�czy, mo�e razem co� wymy�limy, a czasem samo to �e si� o ty powie komu� bliskiemu pomaga.
Syriusz zamkn�� oczy i przez kilka sekund trzyma� si� za noc pomi�dzy oczami. Nie wiem czy on zbiera� my�li czy si� zastanawia� co mi powiedzie�, w kazdym razie nie zd��y�am tego rozgry��, bo si� odezwa�, bardzo wyczerpuj�co:
-No dobrze.
-Wi�c…- jak to m�wi� mugole? Trzeba ku� �elazo p�ki gor�ce.
-Wiesz jak jest moja rodzina? Te ich pogl�dy, a mojej matki to ju� w og�le.- pokiwa�am g�ow�, uwa�nie go s�ucha�am.- Ona jest tak� zwolenniczk� Voldemorta...
-noi co z tego?- wypali�am.
-Jak to co z tego? Aurora! Ona przyobieca�a mu, ze odda mnie w jego szeregi. Tyle, �e ja nie mam zamiaru! Ona mnie zmusza, ale ja nie chc�, ja nie podzielam pogl�d�w rodziny. Nie jestem Bell�, kt�ra jest jak moja matka. Nie jestem Regiem czy Narcyza, kt�rymi mo�na sterowa�. Ja mam charakter i nie chc� walczy� po stronie z�a. Ja chce z nim walczy� z tymi chorymi ideami. Ca�y czas mnie dr�czy tym, wysy�a do mnie sowy. Jak by�em w domu to non stop. „To dla ciebie najlepsza droga!” „To twoja powinno��.” „Synu, b�d� godzien nazwiska.” „ Musisz, bo inaczej sprowadzisz na nas nieszcz�cie.” Mam do��! Ja nie chc� by� s�ugusem Volda. Ja chc� by� aurorem. Ja si� chyba urodzi�em w z�ej rodzinie, oni s� zepsu� je�li chodzi o czysto�� krwi, zw�aszcza matka, ona to mam wprost obsesj�. Ale ja nie mam, ja nie chc�…
-Wiem.-przytuli�am go, marudzi� jak pi�cioletnie dziecko, kt�remu nie chc� kupi� lizaka, ale prawda by�a taka, �e Syriusz mia� z tym wielki problem. To nie by�o tak bzdurne jak nie kupiony lizak. To by�o powa�ne. W domu Black�w przez ca�e wakacje toczy�y si� rewolty mi�dzy pani� Black, a jej starszym synem. Nie rozumia�a, �e jej syn nie podziela jej pogl�d�w. Co ciekawsze, jemu mia�a to za z�e, ale �e jej przysz�a synowa, skromnie powiem �e ja, bynajmniej potencjalnie, te� ich nie podziela�a, zupe�nie jej nie wadzi�o. Najwa�niejsze, dla niej by�o, �e jestem urocza i mam czyst� krew. A pogl�dy, c� jak b�d� mia�a Black po imieniu to b�d� i my�le� w ich spos�b.
-Dlaczego ona mnie zmusza? Mam chyba prawo decydowa� o w�asnym losie? No nie?
-Oczywi�cie, �e masz. Skarbie- co ja mog�am zrobi�, tylko mu przytakiwa�, przecie�, nie napisz� do jego matki „ty stara j�dzo, odwal si� od mojego Skarbka, on nie b�dzie �miercio�erc�”- to jest twoje �ycie i to ty podejmujesz decyzje, �yjesz tak jak ty chcesz. Ona nie ma prawa, ani nie ma �adnych prawdziwych argument�w, by wymusi� to na tobie…- stara�am si� ze wszystkich si� umocni� mojego ch�opaka w przekonaniu, �e ona go nie zmusi, ani nic.
-Ciesz� si�, �e mam ciebie. Ty jeste� moim �yciem, wiesz?
-Nie przesadzaj.
-Nie przesadzam. Dla ciebie zyj�- u�miechn�am si�. -Nie wiem co bym zrobi�, gdyby ciebie mi zabrak�o.
-Przesta�.- wiedzia�am, �e zaczyna ju� swoje mi�osne wywody. On jest czasem kosmiczny.
-Z tob� chc� je dzieli� i tylko ty mo�esz decydowa� ze mn� o moim �yciu. Wiesz?
-Wiem. Ty te� jeste� prawie ca�ym moim �wiatem.
-Jak to prawie?- jak ja lubi� si� z nim droczy� Ma tak� fajn� mordk� jak si� irytuje.
-Bo cz�� to James,Lilka, Remy...
-no ale ja jestem wi�ksz� cz�ci�?
-Zdecydowanie.- poca�owa�am go, niech sobie ch�opak stres odreaguje.-A matk� si� nie przejmuj, zrozumie, ze jeste� doros�y i mo�esz i�� w�asn� drog�...
-Mam nadziej�-chocia� wida� by�o, �e �rednio w to wierzy..
-Tak bedzie...- Syriusz sie rozchmurzy�, przynajmniej wiedzia�am ju� co mu jest. Wiedzia�, ze ma we mnie oparcie. A ja stukni�ta optymistka nie bra�am innej opcji pod uwag�. Prawda jest taka, �e na pewno si� jako� u�o�y. Syrek jest uparty nie b�dzie �miercio�erc�, bo on tego nie chce i ju�. Ju� pr�dziej zamorduje matk�, dla �wi�tego spokoju. Ale wiem, ze pr�dzej czy p�niej i ona da mu spok�j, zrozumie w ko�cu, �e nie zmusi go, nie jego.
-A powiedz mi za co si� przebieramy na ten bal?- zmieni� temat, mo�e i dobrze, bo ci�ko si� rozmawia�o na ten poprzedni.
-A nie mysla�am jeszcze o tym.- nie mia��m g�owy, bo si� tob� deklu martwi�am.
-No to musimy pomy�le�. Zosta� nam tylko tydzie�.
-Wiem, ale nie mam pomys�u...- no fakt nie mia�am, po za tym, �e to mia�o by�powalaj�ce pomys�u nie mia�am.
-a wiesz za co si� przebiera James z Lilka?
-Nie... no ja te� nie, ale podobno ma by� masakrycznie...
-ale masakrycznie, �le czy tak smiesznie?
-Chyba to drugie, ale z nim to nigdy nie wiadomo...
-Wiem. Podejrzewam, �e dowiemy si� dopiero na balu, za co si� przebierze
-Pewnie tak....

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