Pamiętnikiem opiekuje się Aurora Silverstone

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Wtorek, 12 Maja, 2009, 12:00

107. ¯eby nie zwariowaæ

Zbli¿y³ siê… zamknê³am oczy a on ustami zacz±³ dotykaæ moich ust…I wtedy…siê rozp³yn±³ jak mg³a…to by³o tylko marzenie… On tego nigdy nie zrobi!
Nagle wsta³am i w jakim¶ porywie chcia³am wej¶æ na zamarzniêt± taflê jeziora…
-Co ty wyprawiasz?!?!
Kto¶ na mnie krzykn±³ od ty³u. Nie odwróci³am siê…chcia³am byæ sama… nie mia³am ochoty na rozmowy… zaraz sobie pójdzie…ale ten kto¶ chwyci³ mnie za rêkê…
-Aurora? Co ty chcesz zrobiæ?
-nie wiem, Am… nie wiem...Nie chcê ju¿ niczego…
Przytuli³am siê do niej i rozrycza³am jak dziecko…nie wiem co chcia³am zrobiæ…ale co¶ mi niew±tpliwie odbi³o….Zaprowadzi³a mnie do pokoju…Rzuci³am siê na ló¿ko beznamiêtnie i tak plackiem le¿a³am…
Minê³o tyle czasu a ja zamiast siê pozbieraæ….by³o ze mn± coraz gorzej…Ile mog³am odwracaæ g³owê, kiedy wchodzili z Jamesem na ¶niadanie? Ile razy mog³am siadaæ mo¿liwie najdalej niego? Nikt mnie nie rozumia³…no mo¿e tylko Remus, który prze¿ywa³ to samo... chocia¿ trochê inaczej…nie mówiê, ze nie cierpia³… by³ tak samo za³amany jak ja…A ja? Umia³am w ¿yciu wiele znie¶æ w ¿yciu…ale to by³o Zbyt du¿o… Czy ja jestem jaka¶ przeklêta?
Do pokoju wesz³a Lilka. Usiad³a na moim ³ó¿ku..
-S³onko? Co jest?- spyta³a troskliwym g³osem… wzruszy³am jedynie ramionami-znowu to samo?
Jej pytanie by³o retoryczne. Lilka zna³a mnie tak dobrze ja James, jak nie lepiej…
-musisz w koñcu cos z tym zrobiæ! Albo raz na zawsze odetnij tê pêpowinê, albo wreszcie mu wybacz!
-to nie jest takie proste…
-rozumiem…
-nie rozumiesz. ..Umia³aby¶ wybaczyæ Jimowi zdradê?
-kocham Jamesa. To jest dla mnie najwa¿niejsze!
Wziê³a oddech i doda³a:
-Pamiêtaj, raz mo¿na wybaczyæ…
-nie wiem czy umiem…nie umiem…
Lilka spojrza³a na mnie z bólem…nie mog³a ju¿ na to patrzeæ…
-wstawaj!
-nie…
-wstawaj!
-nie mam po co…
-nie opowiadaj g³upot! No, ju¿ ruszaj siê!
Usiad³am na ³ó¿ku.
-po co?
-no, ju¿! James zabiera nas dzi¶ do Hogsmeade!
-a niby dlaczego?
Lilka zrobi³a dziwny gest w swoja stronê. To by³o cos w rodzaju u¶miechu po³±czonego z pokazanie na siebie.
-nie kumam…
-jaki dzi¶ jest dzieñ?- spyta³a.
-jak ka¿dy inny…beznadziejny…
-o przepraszam ciê bardzo…
W tym samym momencie oprzytomnia³am Lilka koñczy dzi¶ 17 lat. Na ¶mieræ zapomnia³am!
-Lilly przepraszam! Zapomnia³am! Wszystkiego najlepszego, kochanie! Zdrowia szczê¶cia i s³odyczy!
Przytuli³am siê do niej…
-wiedzia³am! Szykuj siê idziemy o 5. a ja zaraz wracam…
Posz³a do pokoju ch³opaków, gdzie w³a¶nie Rogaty ¶ci±ga³ ³ó¿ka zmaltretowanego £apê. Walczy³ te¿ ze zrezygnowanym Lunatykiem.
-nie róbcie mi tego! No ju¿ podnosiæ siê! Remy! Proszê! Pójdziemy tylko na kremowe piwo…
-nie mam ochoty…
-dlaczego? To s± Lilki urodziny…Proszê was….no!
Lilka przys³uchiwa³a siê, a¿ w koñcu sama podjê³a próbê:
-Luniaczku!
-No, dobra ju¿…- Remus siê podda³. Móg³ siê wykrêcaæ Jamesowi, ale Lilce, nie chcia³ robiæ przykro¶ci w dniu urodzin.
-£apa!- nie zareagowa³.
Lilka podesz³a do niego i szturchnê³a go mocno.
-wstawaj! Idziemy na urodzinowe piwko…
-wszystkiego dobrego Lilly.- powiedzia³ beznamiêtnie-ale na mnie nie licz…
-podno¶ siê! Idziemy! No! Ej, dzi¶ s± moje urodziny!
-powiedzia³em! Idziecie sami…
-Syriusz!!!
James wkurzony z³apa³ Lilkê za rêkê i wyprowadzi³ do ³azienki.
-on siê nie ruszy! Le¿y tak od wczoraj. Zreszt± on tak codziennie le¿y wstaje tylko na zajêcia i jedzenie jak jest g³odny… je¶li mi siê uda go przekonaæ ¿eby wsta³ i cos zjad³.
-Z Auror± te¿ jest tragicznie nie mogê ju¿ na to patrzeæ…
-Lilly musimy ich pogodziæ, bo oni siê wykoñcza…
-James Skarbie, a co my robimy od jakiego¶ miesi±ca?
-wiem, ale musi byæ jaki¶ sposób…
-widzia³e¶ co by³o ostatnim razem?
-wiem, wiem, kochanie, wiem…
-Ale wiesz co jest najgorsze?
-ze ¿adne siê nie chce przyznaæ do tego, ze jest mu z tym ¼le drugiemu?
-Dok³adnie.
-Te¿ mi siê to nie podoba.
-Mam! –powiedzia³a nagle Lilly i to do tego tak dono¶nie, ¿e biedny Jim a¿ podskoczy³.-Chod¼ idziemy teraz do Hogsmeade…
- i co?
-zrobimy imprezê u was. Mo¿e jak ich spoimy to sobie pogadaj±..
-to g³upie…my¶lisz, ¿e Aurora tu przyjdzie?
- Ju¿ zostaw to mnie…
-jak chcesz, ale nie uwa¿am ¿e to dobry pomys³…
-wiem, ale masz lepszy pomys³?
-nie, ale musimy cos zrobiæ bo zwariujemy i my przy nich..
-Mam tylko nadzieje, ze nie wyjdzie w tego katastrofa…

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