Pamiętnikiem opiekuje się Kenaya

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Niedziela, 24 Czerwca, 2007, 18:16

"ALE TO JU� BY�O I NIE WR�CI WI�CEJ..."

T� notk� dedykuj� ca�ej klasie III b... by�ej klasie III b. Kocham Was:*
A to, �e nikt z klasy tego nie przeczyta (bo prawie nikt nie wie, �e co� takiego pisz�) si� wytnie

PS. Piszcie, kt�ry styl pisania bardziej si� Wam podoba.
�ycie duchowe Albusa (i tym samym po cz�ci moje) czy wydarzenia bie��ce? Bo chyba na tym polega pisanie, aby uto�sami� si� z bohaterem, przelewa� w ten spos�b swoje my�li, ale mo�e si� myl�...

******************************************************

3 pa�dziernik, czwartek, 1991 rok

Me cia�o i dusz� opanowuje wszechogarniaj�ca pustka. Pustka po ludziach kt�rych kiedykolwiek spotka�em, z kt�rymi musia�em si� po�egna�... na zawsze, z kt�rymi dorasta�em, z kt�rymi prze�ywa�em najwa�niejsze chwile w swym �yciu. Pozostaj� mi po nich wspomnienia, pami�� wsp�lnie prze�ytych chwil. Chcia�bym aby czas stan�� w miejscu. Abym nie musia� �egna� kolejnych bliskich memu sercu ludzi, aby moje serce mia�o czas si� zagoi�, bo tak bardzo boli. Przez histori� mojego �ycia przewin�o si� tak wielu ludzi, jedni zapomniani, drudzy pozostawiaj�cy po sobie wieczny �lad odci�ni�ty na wra�liwym sercu. Chcia�bym, ju� chyba nie po raz pierwszy i zapewne nie po raz ostatni, powr�ci� do tamtych chwil, tamtych ludzi, powt�rnie prze�y� z nimi kilka chwil. Tak mnie korci... aby u�y� zmieniacza czasu i cofn�� si� kilkadziesi�t lat wstecz. Jednak wiem, �e to najgorsze z mo�liwych pomys��w. Dlaczego? Bo zn�w nadejdzie czas po�egna�. Powt�rnie znosi� b�l rozstania. Nie, nie mam na to si�y.

Lubi� przechadza� si� noc� po zamku. Cisza, spok�j i puste pomieszczenia... Ten zamek odzwierciedla moj� dusz�. S� chwile pustki aby nast�pnie mog�o przyj�� zadowolenie z �ycia. W dzie� ka�dy zakamarek zamku t�tni �yciem... i we mnie maj� miejsce takie chwile. Czuj�, �e �yj�, mam ochot� bra� �ycie takim jaki jest i cieszy� si� z tego. Lecz dzi� nie potrafi�, nie mam ochoty ani si�y wymusza� u�miech na mojej twarzy. Nie dzi� i nie jutro. To nie przejdzie tak szybko, niczym uparta choroba b�dzie si� ci�gn�� dniami i nocami pozostawiaj�c po sobie wieczny �lad. Podkowa na buzi... to taki kszta�t b�d� musieli ogl�da� Ci, kt�rych spotkam. B�d� si� pyta� co si� sta�o. A nie by�o by lepiej gdyby po prostu dotrzymali towarzystwa? By byli i wi�cej nie zostawiali samego na pastw� w�asnych my�li? Jestem stary i co z tego? Te� potrzebuj� blisko�ci drugiego cz�owieka. Taka ju� wada cz�owiecze�stwa... przez samotno�� gnijemy, potrzebujemy kontaktu z innymi. Psychicznego, ale tak�e fizycznego. Przytuli� si� do kogo�. Poczu� bicie jego serca... tak tego potrzebuj�, tylko kto mi to zapewni?

Sk�d ta nag�a potrzeba blisko�ci? Bo zn�w straci�em bliska osob�. Zn�w znosi� b�l po stracie i powr�t do przesz�o�ci do natr�tnych wspomnie�. Drogi Sewerynie dlaczego? Dlaczego dzi�? Dlaczego tak szybko? Milion pyta� i ani jednej odpowiedzi, bo kt� j� zna? I kolejne pytanie do kolekcji, tyle �e tym razem odpowied� jest. B�g, to on wie dlaczego mi ciebie odebra�. Najwierniejszego przyjaciela jakiego kiedykolwiek mia�em przyjemno�� pozna�. Tysi�ce nekrolog�w na p�otach... wkr�tce i Tw�j zawi�nie. Ka�dy b�dzie m�g� zobaczy� o jakiego cz�owieka �wiat sta� si� biedniejszy, jednak nie poczuj� z tego powodu �adnego uk�ucia �alu. Przejd� oboj�tnie dalej, oddaj�c si� ponownie zgie�kowi �ycia. Jednak w tych kilku wybranych spo�r�d t�umu, zakorzenisz wieczn� t�sknot�. Ja tak�e jestem w tym t�umie...


"Smutek jest drzewem, a jego owocami �zy."*




*cytat �ci�gni�ty z www.mysli.com.pl , jego autorem jest Ioannis Filimon.

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