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Niedziela, 24 Czerwca, 2007, 18:16

"ALE TO JU¯ BY£O I NIE WRÓCI WIÊCEJ..."

Tê notkê dedykujê ca³ej klasie III b... by³ej klasie III b. Kocham Was:*
A to, ¿e nikt z klasy tego nie przeczyta (bo prawie nikt nie wie, ¿e co¶ takiego piszê) siê wytnie

PS. Piszcie, który styl pisania bardziej siê Wam podoba.
¯ycie duchowe Albusa (i tym samym po czê¶ci moje) czy wydarzenia bie¿±ce? Bo chyba na tym polega pisanie, aby uto¿samiæ siê z bohaterem, przelewaæ w ten sposób swoje my¶li, ale mo¿e siê mylê...

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3 pa¼dziernik, czwartek, 1991 rok

Me cia³o i duszê opanowuje wszechogarniaj±ca pustka. Pustka po ludziach których kiedykolwiek spotka³em, z którymi musia³em siê po¿egnaæ... na zawsze, z którymi dorasta³em, z którymi prze¿ywa³em najwa¿niejsze chwile w swym ¿yciu. Pozostaj± mi po nich wspomnienia, pamiêæ wspólnie prze¿ytych chwil. Chcia³bym aby czas stan±³ w miejscu. Abym nie musia³ ¿egnaæ kolejnych bliskich memu sercu ludzi, aby moje serce mia³o czas siê zagoiæ, bo tak bardzo boli. Przez historiê mojego ¿ycia przewinê³o siê tak wielu ludzi, jedni zapomniani, drudzy pozostawiaj±cy po sobie wieczny ¶lad odci¶niêty na wra¿liwym sercu. Chcia³bym, ju¿ chyba nie po raz pierwszy i zapewne nie po raz ostatni, powróciæ do tamtych chwil, tamtych ludzi, powtórnie prze¿yæ z nimi kilka chwil. Tak mnie korci... aby u¿yæ zmieniacza czasu i cofn±æ siê kilkadziesi±t lat wstecz. Jednak wiem, ¿e to najgorsze z mo¿liwych pomys³ów. Dlaczego? Bo znów nadejdzie czas po¿egnañ. Powtórnie znosiæ ból rozstania. Nie, nie mam na to si³y.

Lubiê przechadzaæ siê noc± po zamku. Cisza, spokój i puste pomieszczenia... Ten zamek odzwierciedla moj± duszê. S± chwile pustki aby nastêpnie mog³o przyj¶æ zadowolenie z ¿ycia. W dzieñ ka¿dy zakamarek zamku têtni ¿yciem... i we mnie maj± miejsce takie chwile. Czujê, ¿e ¿yjê, mam ochotê braæ ¿ycie takim jaki jest i cieszyæ siê z tego. Lecz dzi¶ nie potrafiê, nie mam ochoty ani si³y wymuszaæ u¶miech na mojej twarzy. Nie dzi¶ i nie jutro. To nie przejdzie tak szybko, niczym uparta choroba bêdzie siê ci±gn±æ dniami i nocami pozostawiaj±c po sobie wieczny ¶lad. Podkowa na buzi... to taki kszta³t bêd± musieli ogl±daæ Ci, których spotkam. Bêd± siê pytaæ co siê sta³o. A nie by³o by lepiej gdyby po prostu dotrzymali towarzystwa? By byli i wiêcej nie zostawiali samego na pastwê w³asnych my¶li? Jestem stary i co z tego? Te¿ potrzebujê blisko¶ci drugiego cz³owieka. Taka ju¿ wada cz³owieczeñstwa... przez samotno¶æ gnijemy, potrzebujemy kontaktu z innymi. Psychicznego, ale tak¿e fizycznego. Przytuliæ siê do kogo¶. Poczuæ bicie jego serca... tak tego potrzebujê, tylko kto mi to zapewni?

Sk±d ta nag³a potrzeba blisko¶ci? Bo znów straci³em bliska osobê. Znów znosiæ ból po stracie i powrót do przesz³o¶ci do natrêtnych wspomnieñ. Drogi Sewerynie dlaczego? Dlaczego dzi¶? Dlaczego tak szybko? Milion pytañ i ani jednej odpowiedzi, bo któ¿ j± zna? I kolejne pytanie do kolekcji, tyle ¿e tym razem odpowied¼ jest. Bóg, to on wie dlaczego mi ciebie odebra³. Najwierniejszego przyjaciela jakiego kiedykolwiek mia³em przyjemno¶æ poznaæ. Tysi±ce nekrologów na p³otach... wkrótce i Twój zawi¶nie. Ka¿dy bêdzie móg³ zobaczyæ o jakiego cz³owieka ¶wiat sta³ siê biedniejszy, jednak nie poczuj± z tego powodu ¿adnego uk³ucia ¿alu. Przejd± obojêtnie dalej, oddaj±c siê ponownie zgie³kowi ¿ycia. Jednak w tych kilku wybranych spo¶ród t³umu, zakorzenisz wieczn± têsknotê. Ja tak¿e jestem w tym t³umie...


"Smutek jest drzewem, a jego owocami ³zy."*




*cytat ¶ci±gniêty z www.mysli.com.pl , jego autorem jest Ioannis Filimon.

Komentarze:

Julia, is it really too much to think that someone who was capable of creating many different characters, over 11 years, stealing pictures of other peoples SICK children and identities, wouldn't be capable of continuing her web of lies??? Come on, how can you not be suspicious? Not to mention that Esther doesn't want justice??? And Emily "apologizes" all within less than 24 hours after exposure?
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