Pamiętnikiem opiekuje się Kenaya

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Środa, 07 Listopada, 2007, 18:11

BEZPOWROTNIE STRACONA JEST KA�DA CHWILA...

No wi�c najwy�szy czas na notk�. W ko�cu znalaz�am czas, mia�am ochot� i nic mi nie przeszkadza�o. Czy wynagrodzi Wam to d�ugie czekanie? Oby
Sa przemy�lenia jak obieca�am, z g��bi serduszka, mojego oczywi�cie. Nie przed�u�aj�c...

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2 listopad, sobota, 1991

Cudownie jest przechadza� si� po szkole i widzie� tyle szcz�liwych twarzy. Zapomina si� wtedy o swoich problemach, daj�c swojemu umys�owi nie�wiadomy odpoczynek. Czy to ta pogoda tak nastraja ludzi? W tym roku jak nigdy run�a na nas poka�na ilo�� �niegu. Jezioro wspaniale zamarz�o , zach�caj�c do �lizgania si� po nim. Na dworze zimno, w zamku zimno, gdzie wi�c szukaj� ogrzania moi zaradni uczniowie? W ramionach swoich koleg�w, kole�anek, czy raczej ch�opak�w, dziewczyn. To cudowne, �e ludzie w ich wieku szukaj� blisko�ci drugiego cz�owieka, jest ona bowiem nam bardzo potrzebna. Czasem sobie nawet nie zdajemy sprawy jak bardzo nasza dusza i cia�o potrzebuj� aby je kto� przytuli�, pog�aska�, poca�owa�. Wracam wi�c do pytania, kt�re zada�em na samym pocz�tku. Czy to ta pogoda tak nastraja ludzi? �e s� tacy szcz�liwi? Nie. To obecno�� tej drugiej osoby, kt�ra dla ka�dego z nas znaczy bardzo wiele, a czasami nawet, jest ca�ym, ogromnym �wiatem.
Jednak w�r�d tych u�miechni�tych twarzy przewija�y si� co jaki� czas kompletne przeciwie�stwa. Smutna mina, wzrok sprawnie omijaj�cy wszystkie „pary”. Co w nich si� odbija? Zazdro��? �al? Smutek? Uczucie niesprawiedliwo�ci dotykaj�ce ich? Mo�e wszystko po trochu, a mo�e… to m�j ju�-nie-najlepszy wzrok sp�ata� mi figla i w rzeczywisto�ci ka�dy jest szcz�liwy? Pozostan� przy tej my�li. My�li pocieszaj�cej i podnosz�cej na duchu. Dlaczego si� tym tak bardzo przejmuj�? Nie czuj� si� wzgl�dem nich jak dyrektor, tylko ojciec, kt�ry chce aby jego dzieci by�y wiecznie u�miechni�te oraz aby dozna�y sympatii ze strony drugiego cz�owieka.

W �yciu widzia�em ju� wiele cierpienia, b�lu, opuszczenia, z ca�� pewno�ci� nie chc� nigdy wi�cej musie� na to patrze�. O wiele bardziej wol� gdy otacza mnie mi�o�� i przyja��. Zreszt� jak ka�dy, albo prawie ka�dy, Tom na pewno nie zawraca sobie swojej g�owy? umys�u? takimi b�ahostkami jak mi�o��. Pr�dzej ja przejd� na stron� ciemno�ci ni� on zapragnie mie� przyjaciela. �miercio�ercy by ju� tu pewnie wtr�cili swoje 2 knuty „Czarny Pan uwa�a mnie za swojego przyjaciela”. To z�udzenie, Riddle nigdy nie chcia�, nie chce i nie b�dzie chcia� mie� bliskiej osoby takiej do kochania i tulenia, do wy�alania si� i do s�uchania. Tom to bry�a lodu magicznie przemieniona w cz�owieka jednak nie posiadaj�ca �adnych pozytywnych jego stron, cech. On tak naprawd� nie �yje, on istnieje, ale nie �yje. Nie czerpie z �ycia �adnej jego zalet, przyjemno�ci . On po prostu jest, czy si� nam to podoba czy nie.

Hmm dziwna my�l mi w�a�nie przysz�a do g�owy. Mianowicie mo�e potrzebna nam taka posta�. Posta� bezwzgl�dna, okrutna, m�ciwa? Posta� Toma Riddle'a II, dzi�ki kt�remu zacz�li�my docenia� to co mamy, TYCH co mamy. Przed jego dzia�alno�ci�, �e si� tak wyra�� ludzie nie byli dla siebie najlepiej nastawieni. Istnia�a mi�dzy nimi niezgoda, a k��tnie w niekt�rych rodzinach by�y na porz�dku dziennym. Jednak gdy zacz�� pozbawia� nas tych cz�onk�w naszych rodzin, z kt�rymi zaczynali�my dzie� od niemi�ego „daj mi spok�j”, zacz�li�my ich docenia�. Ich i ich obecno�� w�r�d nas. Ju� nie liczy�o si� to, �e On by� dla Niej nieuprzejmy, Tamten przekl�� Tamtego, liczy�o si� tylko to, �e ich ju� nie ma, �e nasze serce poczu�o t� strat� i teraz cierpi ogromne katusze. Liczy�o si� to, �e zacz�li�my dostrzega� w tych ludziach rzeczy, na kt�re wtedy nie zwracali�my uwagi. Zacz�y dr�czy� nas wyrzuty sumienia, a g�owa nie chcia�a da� spokoju od ci�gle powtarzaj�cych si� s��w „ju� nigdy…”, „dlaczego nie…”.
Dlatego tak wa�ne jest aby dostrzec t� mi�o��. Zauwa�y� j� w ludziach nas otaczaj�cych i odwdzi�cza� si� im tym samym. Nie ma nic gorszego ni� ca�e dnie sp�dza� sam na sam z w�asnym „ja” stroni�c od innych. Cz�owiek jest ju� tak zbudowany. Potrzebuje mi�o�ci i blisko�ci kogo� drugiego, w samotno�ci pogr��a si� w otch�ani, w kt�rej nie ma cho�by p�omyka nadziei.


"Bezpowrotnie stracona jest ka�da chwila, kt�rej nie wype�nia mi�o��."*





*Torquato Tasso; www.mysli.com.pl

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