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Wtorek, 08 Lipca, 2008, 07:49

Odpowied� Hermiony

Po moim pytaniu nasta�a kr�puj�ca cisza. Patrzy�em na Hermion� z niepokojem oraz czym� w rodzaju nadziei, kt�ra gas�a z ka�d� chwil� milczenia z jej strony. Hermiona mia�a strasznie smutny wyraz twarzy- kiedy spojrza�a mi w oczy, ujrza�em przepe�nione �zami du�e, br�zowe oczy, b�agalnie wpatrzone.
-Wiktor...Ja…Wiesz…Ron i w og�le…wybacz mi! Nie mog�…si� zgodzi�-wyrzuci�a to z siebie wreszcie Hermiona, p�acz�c.
-Rozumiem-odpowiedzia�em bezbarwnym g�osem. Czu�em w sobie pustk�, ogromn� pustk� i co� we mnie obumar�o-ta nadzieja, ta wiara, �e uda si� z Hermion�.
Napotkawszy moje zrezygnowane, zrozpaczone spojrzenie, wybieg�a z domu, pochlipuj�c. Za ni� pobieg� Ron, rzuciwszy mi ostatnie wrogie spojrzenie, w kt�rym tym razem go�ci� triumf, za� koledzy zostali, patrz�c na mnie w milczeniu. Nie chcia�em lito�ci ani wsp�czucia, potrzebowa�em samotno�ci, by wszystko powoli przemy�le�.
Chyba to wyczuli, po kr�tkiej chwili napi�tej ciszy wyszli, b�kaj�c do mnie jakie� banalne wyja�nienia. Mama r�wnie� wybra�a si� do kuchni, mrucz�c, �e musi ugotowa� zup�. Jakbym nie wiedzia�, �e od rana stoi ch�odnik w lod�wce!
Poszed�em na g�r�, do mojego pokoju. By� skromny-znajdowa�y si� w nim tylko ��ko, ma�e biurko i zwyk�a szafka. Wygl�da�by on ca�kiem schludnie-jak to m�wi mama-gdyby tylko �ciany, co do kawa�ka, nie by�y oblepione zdj�ciami z Mistrzostw �wiata w Quiddicha. Rzuci�em si� na ��ko i, cho� zdarzy�o mi si� to tylko kilka razy w ca�ym moim �yciu, �zy pokapa�y z mojej twarzy na poduszk�. Nie obchodzi�o mnie ju� nic, co nie by�o Hermion� i jej odpowiedzi�…Czu�em si� upokorzony, ale najbardziej chyba by�o mi �al tego, co straci�em, a mog�em mie�. Czu�em, jakby ca�y �wiat si� mi zawali� i jakbym nie mia� ju� nic, co by mnie tutaj trzyma�o…
Nagle do mojego pokoju wszed� Ron Weasley! Najpierw ogromnie si� zdziwi�em, po kr�tkiej chwili poczu�em przyp�yw ogromnej z�o�ci i gniewu oraz �alu do niego, tak, wielkiego �alu za to, �e odebra� mi prawie wszystko (by�em wtedy bardzo rozgoryczony, wi�c nie wszystkie moje pogl�dy by�y w tamtej chwili s�uszne).
Lalu� usiad� na sto�ku i spojrza� na mnie. Po chwili rzek� cicho:
-S�uchaj, Krum, wiesz, ja tam za tob� za bardzo nie przepadam…
-I nawzajem, stary, i nawzajem-rzuci�em ostro, czuj�c, co si� �wi�ci.
-Ale ci� szanuj�, no…w miar�. I…tego…
-Co?- warkn��em niewzruszony.
-No, wiesz…Przykro mi z powodu…No wiesz…Hermiony…
Spojrza�em na niego z niedowierzaniem. Czy to na pewno by�o Ron Weasley, najwi�kszy lalu� na �wiecie? Wredny egoista? Co� si� we mnie w �rodku poruszy�o. Wyci�gn�� pierwszy d�o�, pocieszy� mnie…
-Dzi�ki, Weasley, i…Wiesz…Teraz to ty b�dziesz z Hermion� chodzi�, prawda?
Zaczerwieni� si�, ale wida� by�o, �e sama my�l ju� go cieszy…
Pokiwa� g�ow� w milczeniu ,po czym u�miechn�� si� do mnie i wyszed� z pokoju.
Poczu�em si� odrobin� lepiej. W ko�cu jestem do przodu- jestem pogodzony, nie mam wyrzut�w sumienia. Mimo to na samo wspomnienie minionej chwili rozpacz zn�w si� we mnie pojawi�a. Postanowi�em wyj�� na spacer. Szybko zarzuci�em bluz� na siebie (tak na wszelki wypadek; doprawdy, nie wiem, dlaczego sta�em si� taki przewiduj�cy) i poszed�em do parku, le��cego ko�o mojego domu. Zacz��em przechadza� si� po �cie�kach, pr�buj�c my�le� o czym� innym ni� o odpowiedzi Hermiony. Niestety, nie udawa�o si� mi to. Wspomnienie to nasuwa�o mi si� w my�li ca�y czas.
Patrz�c t�po i pusto w �cie�k�, rozpami�tywa�em dawne, szcz�liwe chwile z Hermion�? Czy b�d� jeszcze takie?
Nagle poczu�em, �e w kogo� wpad�em. Silne uderzenie, gleba na plecy- d�ugo potem jeszcze to pami�ta�em. Gdy wsta�em, ujrza�em nad sob�, pr�cz migoc�cych gwiazdek, Rona Weasleya z Hermion�. Ona sama wygl�da�a na lekko za�enowan�. Ron poda� mi r�k� i wsta�em. Nie wiedzia�em, co powiedzie�…I kolejne milczenie ze strony wszystkich pojawi�o si� tego dnia.
-No c�…To tego…Dzi�ki i w og�le…Mi�ego dnia…
-Mi�ego dnia!- odpowiedzieli r�wnocze�nie, po czym Hermiona powiedzia�a do mnie cicho, patrz�c mi powa�nie w oczy:
-Wiktor…Ja… naprawd� nie mog�am….
-Rozumiem-powt�rzy�em sm�tnie i pokiwawszy im r�k� na po�egnanie, powlok�em si� w kierunku domu. Zaduma�em si� strasznie. Czu�em si� taki stary i do�wiadczony-jednym s�owem: by�o mi bardzo �le.
My�l�c o swoich problemach, zn�w wpad�em na jakiego� staruszka. Przeprosi�em i ju� mia�em odej��, kiedy przyjrza�em si� panu dok�adniej. By� to Albus Dumbledore we w�asnej osobie! Du�o rzeczy dzia�o si� tamtego smutnego dnia…
-Dzie� dobry, profesorze Dumbledore!- wykrzykn��em ci�gle jeszcze oniemia�y.
-Ach, witam, panie Krum!- zawo�a� weso�o Dumbledore znad swoich okular�w. –Jaki to pi�kny dzie� dzisiaj, nieprawda�?- zagadn�� mnie mi�o.
Ale zobaczy� m�j t�skny i zazdrosny wzrok, wodz�cy za Hermion� i Ronem, trzymaj�cym si� za r�ce.
-Aaaa…Wi�c dla ciebie nie jest on taki dobry…-stwierdzi� ze smutkiem profesor.
Kiwn��em g�ow�. Znowu �zy jakby na z�o�� chcia�y polecie�. Zagryz�em warg�.
-Wiesz…-zacz�� �agodnie Dumbledore-nie zawsze mo�emy mie� wszystko…Mo�e czasem to i lepiej? Cieszmy si� z tego, co mamy, bo inaczej-nawet to, co szcz�liwe, nie b�dzie ju� dla nas rado�ci�. A �e nie zawsze si� w �yciu udaje? To normalne…Ale nie wolno si� wtedy poddawa�…Nie, nie nadal walczy� o to, co min�o-zaprzeczy�, jakby czytaj�c w moich my�lach-ale o to, co b�dzie. –u�miechn�� si� do mnie pokrzepiaj�co i poszed� dalej, nuc�c sobie pod nosem.
A ja sta�em i rozmy�la�em nad tym, co powiedzia� mi Dumbledore. Mo�e rzeczywi�cie musz� poczeka�…Walczy� o to, co b�dzie, a nie o to, co nie jest mi pisane i jest ju� przesz�o�ci�?

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