Pamiętnikiem opiekuje się Arwena_Eowina_Black.

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Sobota, 15 Października, 1977, 20:42

Dodatkowe... k³opoty i wspomnienia

Notkê dedykujê dziewczyn± z ZKP i @nce. Ju¿ od dawna mnie mobilizuj± swoimi d³ugimi i rozbudowanymi komentarzami, które naprawdê powoduj±, ¿e a¿ chce siê pisaæ . Jednak notka, przede wszystkim dla M., za uruchomienie Wena, chyba naprawdê uda³o Ci siê go rozruszaæ na sta³e . Za to, ¿e jest, ¿e pomaga i (ju¿ tradycyjnie) potrafi rozbudziæ moje ambicje. Notka stosunkowo d³uga, lecz je¶li chodzi o tre¶æ, to wiem, ¿e mog³o byæ lepiej.
I zapraszam do pamiêtnika Bellatrix Black, który mam przyjemno¶æ prowadziæ.
Pozdrawiam
Arwena

Jestem po prostu ¿a³osna. Albo zbyt dobra... na jedno wychodzi. Och, bo ja siê zawsze muszê w co¶ wpakowaæ, jak nie w dodatkow± pracê z transmutacji, nad któr± potem ¶lêczê ca³± noc, to w dodatkowe zajêcia... A wszystko przez Eleanor Walsh.
Sz³am sobie korytarzem, prowadz±cym na wie¿ê astronomiczn±, aby tam do¶wiadczyæ trochê spokoju, gdy nagle zauwa¿y³am jak w moja stronê pêdzi nauczycielka od wró¿biarstwa. Niby nic dziwnego, bo ju¿ siê przyzwyczai³am, ¿e ta dziwne kobieta biega po Hogwarcie i patrzy siê na wszystkich wzrokiem, z którego mo¿na wyczytaæ „Och, Wy moi nie¶wiadomi swojego losu biedacy”. Tym razem by³o inaczej, kobieta ewidentnie zmierza³a w moj± stronê, a na dok³adkê, mia³a ³zy w oczach.
- Och, panno Evans – wyjêcza³a, chwytaj±c mnie za ramiê. - Co ja takiego zrobi³am? Co ja zrobi³am, ¿e mnie tak nie lubicieeeee....- zawy³a, nie zwa¿aj±c na moj± zaskoczon± minê.
- Ale...pani Walsh, przecie¿ eee... my pani± naprawdê bardzo lubimy – powiedzia³am, chocia¿ nie by³am pewna w czyim imieniu przemawiam.
- To czemu ju¿ po raz trzeci, nie ma nikogo chêtnego z klas siódmych na moje zajêcia...?- zapyta³a zapominaj±c o szlochu i zamieniaj±c ton na oskar¿ycielski.
- Eee... Poniewa¿, musimy... ju¿ my¶leæ o... przysz³o¶ci. O! Tak, o przysz³o¶ci i wybieraæ przedmioty, z którymi wi±¿emy nasz± przysz³o¶æ. - odetchnê³am z ulg± my¶l±c, ¿e wybrnê³am z problemy. Niestety siê myli³am.
- O przysz³o¶ci, mówisz? A czy jest jaki¶ przedmiot, który bardziej skupia siê na przysz³o¶ci od wró¿biarstwa?
Zbarania³am kompletnie. Niestety ona to zauwa¿y³a.
- Ty k³amiesz... - znowu zaczê³a szlochaæ. - nie chcesz, ¿eby by³o mi przykro. A Wy mnie po prostu nie lubicieee...- rzuci³a mi szybkie, krótkie spojrzenie i znowu zaczê³a jêczeæ.
- To nie tak proszê pani, ja... ja... - jeszcze chwilê ze sob± walczy³am, ale nie wytrzyma³am.- porozmawiam z kolegami i na pewno znajdzie siê masa chêtnych na pani zajêcia, oni... mo¿e nie wiedzieli, ¿e pani chce je prowadziæ. - powiedzia³am z rezygnacja obserwuj±c, jak na jej czterdziestoletniej twarzy pojawia siê u¶miech.
- Och, dziêkujê panno Evans, gwiazdy mi mówi³y, ¿e...
- Tak, tak pani Walsh... ja siê spieszê, na...eee chympchym – wykas³a³am co¶ niewyra¼nie i uciek³am jak najdalej od tej nawiedzonej kobiety. Niestety s³owo siê rzek³o i jeszcze tego samego wieczoru opowiedzia³am wszystko w pokoju wspólnym.
- Na mnie Lily, nie licz.- pierwszy odmówi³ Quentin.
- Na mnie te¿, nie mam zamiaru spêdzaæ dodatkowych godzin z t± nawiedzon± kobiet±. - nawet Janet odmówi³a.
- Evans, po co Ty w ogóle siê w to wpl±ta³a¶?
-... Och, by³o mi jej ¿al. To by³a taka chwilowa niepoczytalno¶æ, ale ju¿ obieca³am, ¿e jej zmontujê ekipie na zajêcia. B³agam, Black dwie godziny w tygodniu – to siê da znie¶æ. Zrób to dla mnie!
Nagle nad moim ramieniem pojawi³ siê James.
- Co £apa, ma dla Ciebie zrobiæ? - spyta³ siê podejrzliwie.
- Nic.- odpowiedzia³am automatycznie.
- Evans, obieca³a kobiecie od wró¿biarstwa, ¿e znajdzie chêtnych z 7 klasy na jej zajêcia, poniewa¿ nikt nie jest chêtny, bêdzie musia³a i¶æ do niej sama.
- Pójdê z Tob± Lilka!- od razu mê¿nie zareagowa³ James.
- Nic z tego, wystarczy mi, ¿e bêdê musia³a siê u¿eraæ z jedn± psychopatk±. - odpowiedzia³am dumnie. Zrobi³am to tak dla zasady, bo nie by³am pewna, czy nie chce Jamesa na zajêciach.
- Lilu¶ nie narzekaj, razem bêdzie ra¼niej. I doceni³a by¶ w koñcu jak siê dla Ciebie po¶wiêcam. - powiedzia³ z b³yskiem w oku i nie czekaj±c na odpowied¼ odszed³.

Mimo moich usilnych starañ i rozmów jakie przeprowadzi³am z moimi znajomymi, nikt nie zgodzi³ siê na udzia³ w zajêciach. Dosz³o nawet do tego, ¿e mia³am nadziejê, ¿e kobieta zapomnia³a o moich s³owach, ale wtedy odzywa³ siê we mnie g³os, który mówi³ „Evansowie, zawsze dotrzymuj± s³owa”. Ju¿ dwa dni po tym incydencie, Walsh poinformowa³a mnie, kiedy bêd± siê odbywaæ nasze zajêcia, o dziwo by³a wesolutka jak skowronek. Nie zrazi³a j± nawet informacja o liczbie chêtnych na jej zajêcia, t³umacz±c to tym, ¿e pan O`Brian , nauczyciel od mugoloznastwa, ma tylko czerech uczniów i ¿e „nie liczy siê ilo¶æ, tylko jako¶æ”. Teraz, ka¿de czwartkowe popo³udnie mam spêdzaæ z t± kobiet± i Jamesem w jednym pomieszczeniu. I jak tu siê nie zabiæ?


Prze¿y³am pierwsze zajêcia, ale by³o ciê¿ko. Z Jamesem spotka³am siê przed drzwiami do jej sali. Jedyne co mnie pocieszy³o, to, to ¿e w jego spojrzeniu dostrzeg³am niepewno¶æ.
- James, ty jeszcze mo¿esz zrezygnowaæ.
- I mam Ciê zostawiæ? Wchodzimy – zarz±dzi³, obj±³ mnie ramieniem i zdecydowanie wkroczyli¶my do sali.
- Dzieñ dobry, pani Walsh – rzek³am niepewnie widz±c, ¿e profesorka siedzi zapatrzona w kryszta³ow± kulê i strzepnê³am ramiê Jamesa. Kobieta nawet nie drgnê³a, spojrza³am siê niepewnie na Pottera, na co on znacz±co postuka³ siê w g³owê.
- I co, widzi tam pani nasz± przysz³o¶æ? - spyta³ ironicznie, lecz wzdrygn±³ siê gdy us³ysza³ odpowied¼, której nie spodziewa³ siê dostaæ.
- Tak, panie Potter, zgad³ pan, widzê w kuli WASZ¡ przysz³o¶æ.
- Znaczy, ¿e moj± i Lilki - wspóln±? - rozemocjonowa³ siê ch³opak.
- Chce Ci przypomnieæ James, ¿e nie wierzysz we wró¿by. - powiedzia³am k±¶liwie.
- No, ale jak wró¿by okazuj± siê takie sensowne, to chyba zacznê. - u¶miechn±³ siê przekornie.
- Umrzecie, bardzo m³odo! - us³yszeli¶my rozdra¿niony g³os profesorki, która widocznie chcia³a na nas zrobiæ wra¿enie, a nie wys³uchiwaæ naszych rozmów.
- Tak, masz racje, nie wierzê we wró¿by. - nie wytrzyma³am i parsknê³am ¶miechem.
- Ale mo¿ecie tego unikn±æ, poznaj±c swoj± przysz³o¶æ. - powiedzia³a profesor Walsh.
Tak, ta kobieta, bardzo chcia³a, ¿eby kto¶ potraktowa³ jej przedmiot powa¿nie. St³umi³am ¶miech i usiedli¶my razem z ni± przy jednym stoliku.
- Chwyæmy siê za rêce. - powiedzia³a zamykaj±c w skupieniu oczu.
- Ju¿ mi siê tu podoba.- u¶miechn±³ siê James ujmuj±c moj± d³oñ, w swoj±. Naprawdê bardzo chcia³am zachowaæ wtedy powagê, ale mi siê nie uda³o.
- Zawsze przed wg³êbianiem siê w swoja przysz³o¶æ, musimy siê skupiæ i zebraæ energiê. Czujecie co¶?
- Tak, czujê jak Lilce poci siê rêkê. - wybuch³am ¶miechem.
- Czy wy, zakochani nie potraficie, ani na chwile, zachowaæ powagi?- spyta³a rozdra¿niona.
- Zakochani? - spyta³am oburzona.
- Zakochani? - spyta³ James rozanielony – A¿ tak widaæ?
Zby³am to dumnym milczeniem, zreszt± tak samo jak pani Walsh. Resztê zajêæ spêdzili¶my na patrzeniu siê w kryszta³ow± kulê. Profesorka w czasie tej czynno¶ci zachowywa³a siê jakby ogl±da³a telewizje, co chwilê g³o¶no wzdychaj±c, ale wydaj±c z siebie krzyk rozpaczy. James patrzy³ siê na mnie, a gdy Profesorka na koniec zajêæ zapyta³a co widzieli¶my, odpowiedzia³:
- ¦liczn±, rud± dziewczynê o zielonych oczach.
Musia³am mu pos³aæ kolejne zniecierpliwione spojrzenie.
- A Ty Lily?
- Yyy... Ja widzia³am przystojnego ch³opaka o ciemnych w³osach... i szarych oczach.- odpowiedzia³am i pokaza³am Jamesowi jêzyk. Specjalnie wybra³am cechy przeciwne do niego. Niestety po chwili dopiero zrozumia³am swój b³±d.
- Nie chodzi³o o Syriusza! - krzyknê³am w panice.
- No mam nadziejê. - odpowiedzia³ podejrzliwie, wstaj±c.
- Do nastêpnych zajêæ.- krzyknê³a za nami profesorka. Mia³a minê cz³owieka, który dobrze wype³ni³ swoje zadanie.
- Ale naprawdê nie chodzi³o o Syriusza.- powiedzia³am ju¿ za drzwiami.
- Wierzê. W koñcu to ja Ci siê podobam. - u¶miechn±³ siê wyzywaj±co..
- Ciekawe, czemu tym razem doszed³e¶ do takiego wniosku. - rzek³am znudzona.
- Poniewa¿ mi siê t³umaczysz.- by³ wyra¼nie zadowolony z siebie.
Pokrêci³am g³ow± ze zniecierpliwienia i ruszy³am do przodu.
- A mo¿e, nie? - Jamesa ruszy³ za mn±.

Poza tym w szkole jak to w szkole, prace domowe, lekcje, uczenie siê, chocia¿ ju¿ nied³ugo ma³a zmiana – bêdzie pierwsza w tym roku impreza w klubie ¶limaka. Chyba siê wybiorê, bo co lepszego mogê zrobiæ?
Przegl±dam teraz album ze zdjêciami rodzinnymi. Ju¿ min±³ ponad rok od ¶mierci taty, a dopiero teraz mogê o nim napisaæ, wcze¶niej ba³am siê, ¿e smutek powróci ze zdwojon± si³±. Teraz wspomnienia przesta³y powodowaæ ³zy w moich oczach, a jedynie têskny u¶miech. Bardzo têsknie za tat±, jego listami z domu, naszymi rozmowami o mojej przysz³o¶ci. Lubi³am mu t³umaczyæ dzia³ania zaklêæ i za ka¿dym razem gdy s³ysza³am „To te¿ da siê wyczarowaæ?!” czu³am wielk± rado¶æ, ¿e jestem czarownic± i ¿e tata jest ze mnie dumny.
Ach, czy jest co¶ piêkniejszego od bezinteresownej i niezmiennej mi³o¶ci? Niestety o rodzicach my¶li siê w takich kategoriach, dopiero gdy ich zabraknie...

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